Underwhelming + Strange + Odd + Confusing - Common Sense = The Detroit Lions 2007 Draft

Matt Millen is an idiot. That's a given.

But he's also an idiot savant. He's the Rainman of the NFL. Millen is capable of doing one thing well, and one thing only. He has an innate talent for maneuvering up and and down in the draft, gathering extra picks as he goes. Somehow, someway, Millen was able to end up with 3 picks in the 2nd round, yet still keep the 2nd overall.

Unfortunately, a problem then arises with those extra picks.

The problem? He becomes an idiot again. A flaming, short bus riding, helmet wearing, mouth breathing idiot.

I have no issues with the Lions taking Calvin Johnson. Millen's normal brain fog lifted momentarily, allowing him one moment clarity over the weekend. He just as quickly lost all lucidity, reverting back into his Millen-fog, going by the results of the later rounds.

With 4 picks in the 1st and 2nd rounds, you would expect 4 starters, right? Not so fast, Lions fans. Every pick from the 2nd round on appeared, to my eyes, to be either a reach, a project, or both.

Millen parlayed those 4 picks into...

1. A starting WR, Calvin Johnson, who was a no brainer pick. Plug Johnson in the starting lineup, and pencil him in for a Herman Moore-like 100+ catches, 1200+ yards, and 10+ TD's every season. (One quick aside. For those who wonder if there will be enough balls to go around to keep Johnson, Roy Williams, and Mike Furrey happy, just look at the stats for the 1995 and 1996 Lions. If it can be done with Scott Mitchell under center, it can with Jon Kitna.)

2a. Drew Stanton, a QB that has ability, but whose coach at MSU was nearly as big a buffoon as Millen. Stanton shouldn't see the field for a good 2 years. If he even sniffs the field during the regular season, the Lions have issues. What am I saying? The Lions already have issues.

2b. Ikaika Alama- Francis, a defensive end from that defensively stalwart school...Hawaii? Francis is so raw that he makes Kalimba Edwards look polished. Look under "Project" in the Wikipedia, and you'll see the pict...Hell, you already know the joke...

2c. Gerald Alexander, a corner turned safety who is supposed to be a prototype Tampa 2 DB. A safety that is a prototype Tampa 2 player? Where have I heard that same line before? I know, I know! Last year, when Daniel Bullocks was drafted. The Lions 2nd round pick from 2006, who plays the same exact position! The Lions now have a big money free agent (Kenoy Kennedy) and 2 high draft picks at safety. That's all well and good, but who in the living Hell is going to play corner? Or linebacker, for that matter?!

This would be a great draft...If you were a playoff team that could afford to take chances, and wait on your picks to develop. A 3 win team doesn't have that luxury.

For a GM going into his 7th season, with none previous even remotely close to finishing .500, you would think that he needs to win now. But this draft leaves me with a question.

Where is the urgency?

The fanbase is out of patience. They have been for decades. So is the MSM. Yet the Lions draft as if they are getting a pass for this coming season. They might be getting a pass from the old man, William Clay Ford. In fact, I'm sure Ford is giving them a pass for this season.

From everyone else? Millen and Marinelli are on notice. Win, or else. Unfortunately, the only opinion that matters is Ford's. Which means at least 1 more season of a coach spewing platitudes about character and hard work, and weird ass drafting by an idiot savant GM.

Sgt. Marinelli claims he can "Coach up" his kind of players. Marinelli continually keeps preaching that he wants players with "Football character."

It would help those players actually had talent to go with that "Character."

If every notion you ever had turned out horribly wrong, what would you do? You'd do "The Opposite."

Today is the Detroit Lions Super Bowl, the NFL Draft. Bad things normally happen on draft day. Things like Mike Williams, Kalimba Edwards, Brian Calhoun, Joey Harrington, I need not go on.

I have just one suggestion for Matt Millen, one he should heed.

Follow the advice of a man who had the same track record as you, if not worse. Do what he did, it changed his life. It can change yours...

Just who am I talking about? I'll give you a hint...

Jerry Seinfeld once told him, "If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right."

You'd swear Seinfeld was talking about Matt Millen, not...George Costanza.


Please, Matt, take George Costanza's advice to heart...

"Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!"

"I'm completely ignoring every urge towards common sense and good judgment I've ever had. This is no longer just some crazy notion. Jerry, this is my religion."

It worked for Costanza, it can work for you. Matt, when you make your pick around 12:30 Saturday afternoon, I'm begging you, pay no attention to your gut feelings, ignore what your every instinct is telling you. Do "THE OPPOSITE."

Make it your religion.

Who's watching the NHL playoffs?

To answer my question, if you go by attendance and TV ratings, maybe 15,000 people in Detroit. Sure, I'm being facetious, but the lack of interest shown in the Red Wings playoff run is striking.

The Red Wings can't sell out a 2nd round playoff game. Michael Rosenberg says in today's Freep that it may have been the worst playoff atmosphere he's ever seen in a Detroit facility. Dave at Gorilla Crouch fittingly compares us to Atlanta.

So just where are the fans? If you go by our local and state economy, probably trying to keep their homes from being foreclosed.

Honestly, I'm not surprised. I don't know how season ticket holders can afford buying full rounds in advance. The Red Wings brought it upon themselves by anal raping fans with their playoff price points. I sure as Hell can't afford to go. Most people I know either can't afford, or aren't willing to be bent over by the Wings.

Here's the ticket pricing straight off of ticketmaster.com.

EXECUTIVE LEVEL (LOWER BOWL)
US $135.00 - US $153.00 (What would the Cup finals run? $400 and your 1st born?)

ARENA (UPPER BOWL)
US $72.00 - US $135.00 (I'll guess that the $72 tix are the top 2 rows of the Joe. I've sat there plenty of times, they ain't worth that much)

STANDING ROOM ONLY (DESIGNATED AREAS)
US $77.00 (That's just criminal)

Jesus. I decided to see what 2 of best available tickets would run me...

Tickets (Detroit Red Wings Semifinals Round 2 Home Game 2)

FULL PRICE TICKET US $90.00 x 2 (Upper bowl seats, with the real fans...)

Total Convenience Charge(s) US $5.75 x 2 (Convenience my ass! I love this, $11.50 for just the opportunity to buy seats)

Order Processing Charge(s) US $4.25 (I have no idea what this is, as what are they actually processing? I'm going to get my tix at will call, or print them myself. This exists for no other reason than to twist the knife just a little more into your wallet)

TicketFast Delivery US $2.50 (Hilarious! This allows you pay for the privilege to print your tix!)

TOTAL CHARGES US $198.25 (Big Al looks in his wallet, sees...Not that much! About a $190 less...)

Whoa. $200 just to get in the door, and sit in the nosebleeds. When you factor in parking, beer, a couple of pretzels, it's $250+ for 2 people. If I had asked my dad back in the day to spend that kind of coin on a playoff game, he'd have asked me where we were getting the loan from.

The Red Wings finally reached the point where price + expectations - past performance - lockout - Pistons, Tigers, Lions + hubris = Fans not going to the Joe. They have priced themselves right out of their blue collar market.

As much as I enjoy hockey, I don't kid myself, unlike many hockey fanatics. Detroit is not "Hockeytown." That is nothing more than a marketing slogan. The NHL is, at best, number 5 in the sports pecking order in Detroit.

Just off the top of my head, I'll guess the order is this...

1. Lions - The NFL is king in this country. No ifs, ands, or buts. What's the hot topic this week? Not the NHL or NBA playoffs, not the Tigers, but the NFL draft.

2. Tigers - Detroit has always been a baseball town, and was the #1 team for much of my life. It took close to 2 decades of awful baseball to nearly kill it off, and only 1 summer of good baseball to bring it back to it's rightful place in the Detroit landscape.

3. Michigan football - If the NFL is king, NCAA football is the prince.

4. Pistons - The Pistons get it. The Palace is a great arena, a team that connects with the blue collar fanbase, and they don't screw you over (Nearly as much) at playoff time. The NBA has a much broader fanbase than the NHL, even in Detroit.

5a. Red Wings - Unfortunately, hockey is a niche sport. Even in the northern USA.

5b. NASCAR - Say what you will about cars making left turns, people watch NASCAR. Lots of people. Millions more than hockey.

I'll be honest. I watched maybe 10 minutes of the Red Wings game last night. The lack of energy at the Joe was palpable, even over the TV. It sounded dead, it felt dead, and after the Sharks scored twice, it was dead. After the 2nd Sharks goal, I could feel that the game was already over. If you've watched any playoff hockey, you knew it was over. I changed the channel to the Pistons.

On the other hand, the Pistons game was intense. The Magic and the Orlando crowd were into it. So were the Pistons, if you go be the 4 technical fouls. It was a fun game to watch, unlike Wings - Sharks.

Tomorrow afternoon, when we have the Red Wings, Pistons, Tigers, and Lions all (Gloriously) overlapping, in most households the the Red Wings will be on the backburner. I'm not saying it's right, but that's the way it is...

Inside Millen's brain: Draft checklist

I have all my draft tools ready. I even made a checklist to make sure I'm all set.

Package of number 2 pencils. Check.

Sharpened? Check.

Extra erasers. Check.

Scantron sheets. Check.

Crib sheet with all the test answers from Coach JoePa. Check.

Envelope full of 20's and 50...Wait a sec! This is my Penn State finals checklist! How did that get stuck in my Trapper Keeper?! I need to clean this sucker out. What the Hell else is in here?

A thank you note from Matt Leinart that he sent after last year's draft. That's Matty, always thinking of others. Hey, it's Mel Kiper's autographed picture! I wondered where that went. That's going on the mantle!

There they are! Damn, I was really worried, I thought I lost them. Compromising pictures of...How on earth does Ford bend into that position? Wow that's BIG! How does it FIT!? Gotta remember to put those in the safety deposit box with the negatives! I only need to break these out a contract time, so mum's the word.

Ah, there it is. My draft do-to li...Uh, to-do list.

1. Do a mock draft.

Jeez. That's it? Should be easy enough.

Detroit Lions 2007 Mock Draft, by Me.

1rd round: They think they know that I know what they know, but I really know what they know. But I'm going to fool them all by taking Brady Quinn! I've missed having Joey around so much, I figure that Brady would be the next best thing to having Joey back. I was going to give Joey a call after the Dolphins released him, see if he wanted to come back, but Martz took away my phone! I went to Sgt. Marinelli to get it back, but he told me I need to fight my own battles.

2st round: I want my phone back, so if I pick another QB here, I think it'll make Martz happy. So I'm going to take Beek Bick Block Buck that old dude from BUY YUB UTHA UBY Brigham Young.

3nd round: Gotta get a wide receiver. I hear good things about Calvin Hobbes Johnson from Mel. I'll pick him here.

4rd round: I want to make sure we have plenty of QB's in camp. Don't need anyone throwing their arms out during the exhibition season! Drew Bledsoe Henson Barrymore Stanton from MUS SMU USM the Wolverines.

Round 5: Another wide receiver, just in case Calvin Hobbes Johnson doesn't pan out. I haven't had the best luck with recivers. I had no idea that Charles Rogers liked water pipes. Who knew Mike Williams liked to eat? And eat, and eat, and eat. So I'm penciling in Ted Beefeater Bombay Sapphire Tanqueray Ginn. I'll get my phone back for sure!

What's this? I have 3 more round 5 picks? Christ, we'll be here all damn weekend! I'll just trade them for someone's 1st round pick next year, easy enough. That way I won't have to do anymore research. Research makes my brain hurt.

6td round: Homestretch! Just to keep Sgt. Marinelli happy, I'll pick someone for the defense. He just goes on and on and on about some end. Says this end is perfect for his defense. Blah, blah, blah. He talks about him so much, my mind starts to wander. Now I don't remember his name! Damn! What is it? I like pudding. Mmmmm....Puddng.

Hold it! What's this? We don't have a 6td round pick? How? Oh yeah, we traded it. All that time spent on research for nothing. That's 5 minutes I'll never get back.

7th round: After I get pudding, I need to keep the Sarge from yelling at me. Then I need draft some more defense here. There's some other dude he tells me he needs. A linebacker, I think? In the middle? Screw it, I'll just take the best player left on the board. I've gotten lucky with injured guys in the past, so why not? I'll get Adrian Peterson here. Just like receivers, you can't have enough running backs! There, I'm done!

What? We don't have 2st pick in the 7th round, but the LAST pick in the draft instead? Damn it, Peterson will be gone! I gotta be here till the END? Jesus Christ on a stick!

What's this? The pick's already been made for us? Cool. But who's Mr. Irrelevant?

The Detroit Tigers sure are a bad team. According to the message boards...

For a team that is only .5 out of first place, virtually tied with 3 of the best teams in all of baseball, and considering it's only APRIL, if you read message boards, you'd think it was 2003 redux.

The same topics get hashed over. Again, and again, and again...

Rodney is teh scuks! The pen is beyond awful! Sheff is washed up! Cut himm! Casey blows goats! Cut hin! Bring up Shelton! Durbin is the worst pitcher in MLb history!! Cut Durbin! Bring up Miller!!1! Dombrowski needs to make a trade! NOW!11!11!!

You want to tell these "Fans" to calm down, take a step back from the keyboard, and look at the Tigers a little more rationally. Which I'll now try to do...

Fernando Rodney and the bullpen: Which sounds like the name of a 70's R&B group, not the most pressing issue of most Tigers fans. After spending the first few weeks of the season pitching like a combination of a pre-glasses Ricky Vaughn and a pre-Crash Davis Nuke LaLoosh, Rodney finally put together a couple of very good innings yesterday. The reason the bullpen has been such an early season weak spot was much in thanks to Rodney's implosion. If Rodney has fixed his issues (Chuck Hernandez supposedly found a flaw in his mechanics), the bullpen will be fine. Grilli, Seay, Zumaya, Lopez, Ledezma, they have all held their own. It's still a formidable bullpen.

As for Todd Jones and his 2 blown saves, what are you going to do? It wasn't as if he was hit hard by the Los Angeles Southern California Disneyland Angels of Anaheim. (Or whatever damn name they are going by this season) In the 9th, it was all about a superstar ballplayer, Vlad Guerrero, basically creating a run all by himself. How many ballplayers could score on a wild pitch that bounces 10 feet away from the catcher? Not many. Vlad is one of the exceptions. You know, sometimes the other team just makes a play...

For all of those screaming for Zumaya to close, keep this in mind. If Jones isn't closing, he really doesn't have a spot on the staff. I wouldn't trust him in Zumaya's or Rodney's roles. He's not the guy you want coming into games with runners on base. To start an inning, I can live with the Rolercoaster. Next year will be the year of Joel Zumaya, lights out closer.

Leave things as they are, and if the Tigers are still having bullpen issues June 1st, then we'll talk about what changes might be needed.

Chad Durbin: Tigers fans now know what it's like to watch a team that doesn't have an effective 5th starter, much like 90% of MLB. It's better than the days when the Tigers didn't have ANY effective starters, but still...

Despite the assurances of the Marlboro man, Durbin appears to be on thin ice, if not double secret probation. He has been the one member of the rotation that has not given the Tigers an opportunity to win his starts. At the time of the Gambler's injury, Durbin looked the best of the lot, especially when factoring in his excellent 2006 season at Toledo. After 3 big league starts though, he looks just plain hittable. If the ChiSox belt him around tonight, I may join the chorus, and ask that the Tigers send Durbin to the bullpen, Toledo, on a beer run, to replace Rosie O'Donnell on "The View," anywhere but in the rotation.

So the question becomes, who replaces Durbin? If, and this is a big IF, Bobby Seay continues to pitch effectively as the LOOGY, I'd like to see Wil Ledezma. It's too soon for Andrew Miller. In June, I might be signing a different Miller tune...

Gary Sheffield: Ewww. Up until this current road trip, Sheffield was scuffling along, swinging at bad pitches, taking hittable pitches, and not hitting any pitches. Even through he was struggling mightily with his swing, Sheffield was still getting on base at a respectable clip. Patience is a virtue, and it's Sheffield's saving grace.

The 2 games with the Los Angeles Southern California Disneyland Angels of Anaheim could have been Sheffield's coming out party. He began to hit the ball, HARD. The at-bat that impressed me the most was yesterday's 9th inning line double off of F-Rod, and then his totally unexpected steal of third. It was an impressive display. I don't know if that sequence of events flustered Rodriguez, one of MLB's best closers, into Maggilo Ordonez's home run, but it sure didn't hurt.

It's obvious that Sheffield still has his bat speed, and his baseball smarts. I think Sheff will be A-OK.

Sean Casey: Ewww, squared. Even the staunchest Casey fans are beginning to ask why he's still in the lineup. 2 reasons. He's a left handed bat, and he's a left handed bat. I know, I said it twice, but it gets the point across. The Tigers have next to no left handed hitting. There's Curtis Granderson, the switch-hitting Carlos Guillen, and...and...No one other than Sean Casey.

If he wasn't a left handed stick, I doubt, no, I know he's not playing nearly as much. If only Marcus Thames was left handed. Is it too late to change him into a switch-hitter?

Considering Casey has a 4 million dollar contract, he'll get plenty of rope to hang himself. Or at least enough rope to become a below average offensive first baseman, rather than what he is currently, the worst offensive first baseman in baseball.

Why the Tigers have had such trouble in finding a left handed power hitting first baseman for so damn long is a total mystery to me. I used to think that good first basemen were dime a dozen. I'm not so sure anymore, considering the Tigers difficulties in finding one.

Since Cecil Fielder was unceremoniously traded in 1996 for a bat bag, Ruben Sierra, and the immortal Matt Drews (Turns out the bat bag had the most value. Drews was supposed to be so good, the Tigers traded for him...Twice. Those crazy Randy Smith years...), other than a a 3 year period when Tony Clark was good for 30 HR/100 RBI, it's been nothing but flameouts at first base.

Carlos Pena's inability to, you know, actually hit the ball, has just killed the Tigers. I was once sold that Chris Shelton was the solution, but is he ever going to be anything more than a 20 HR/70 RBI below average first baseman, at best? I'm not sure if I want to give him 2 years as the first baseman to find out.

A left hand hitting first baseman with POWER has to be targeted in the coming off-season.

How could the NFL draft go badly for the Lions? Let's count the ways

With the NFL draft this coming weekend, there will be even more intense than normal scrutiny on Matt Millen and his drafting skills, or should I say, lack thereof. With Millen at the helm, the odds are not in the Lions favor that they will make the right pick. Let alone a series of moves trading down, leading up to their pick.

A Millen led draft leads you to think that several different 1st round scenarios may play out, and few, if any, will work in their favor.

The Lions could...

Stay at 2, and reach on Gaines Adams. You continually hear that Adams is talented, yet underachieves, has an iffy work ethic, doesn't always give his best effort, and takes plays off. Kindred spirit Shaun Rogers approves. He's also undersized, and has issues playing against the run. Kalimba Edwards commiserates. Well, we all know how Sgt. Marinelli likes to coach 'em up...

Stay at 2, and adding a 5th(!) tailback to the mix in Adrian Peterson. He would be a great pick IF the Lions hadn't already traded for Tatum Bell, signed T.J. Duckett, and had both Kevin Jones and Brian Calhoun coming back from injury. Then again, you could put them all on the field at the same time, right?

Stay at 2, and take Joey Harrington redux, Brady Quinn. Mel Kiper loves Quinn at this spot. Automatic red flag! That is reason enough to run away from Quinn.

Trade down a couple of spots, and then pick Brady Quinn. Giving the Lions 4 or so years with another underachieving golden boy. Wasn't the Joey Blue Skies era painful enough? We'd have to live through it again? Just kill me now.

Trade down several spots, then reach on Patrick Willis. If the Lions were in the middle of the 1st round, go for it. But not in the top 5, or even top 10. The Lions are desperate for impact making playmakers, and by dropping too far down in the 1st round, which I fear, you will get decent starters, but no impact players. The Lions haven't had that kind of player on offense, the sort whom the opposition had to gameplan for, since Herman Moore got old, and Barry Sanders retired. For that matter, when was the last time the Lions had a true difference maker that other teams were deathly afraid of on the defensive side of the ball? Bubba Baker? Then it's been 20-25 years.

Pull a Minnesota, and not get your pick to the NFL on time, dropping a couple of spots due to incompetence. That boner will be on Mike Tice's tombstone. "RIP Mike Tice - Husband, father, screwed up royally at the NFL draft" As if Millen hasn't been humiliated enough, God forbid something of this sort happens. It would be the apocalypse for Lions fans. Fans would then storm the Lions Allen Park facility with fire and pitchforks, nothing less than Millen's head on a pike would sate their bloodlust.

What good could happen on Saturday?

The Lions could...

Stay at 2, and pick the best available player between JaMarcus Russell, Calvin Johnson, or Joe Thomas. I wouldn't bitch if any of these players were the Lions number 2 pick. They are the top ranked overall, and any of the 3 would help at a position of need.

Trade down to the 4-5-6 range, get several extra picks, and taking the best available player. At that point, it's probably Gaines Adams.

Best possible scenario?

Millen screws the pooch so badly, it leads to his ouster at the end of the season.

We can only hope, as hope is all we Lions fans have...

I had all the respect in the world for the Calgary Flames...

...Until the last 10 minutes of game 5 with the Red Wings.

Talk about gooning a game up. Cheap shots abounded. It was stickwork at it's worst. I have no problem with physical hockey, in fact I enjoy, as they say, old time hockey. But I'm not talking about the mid-70's Broad Street Bullies, whom the Flames were channeling in the 3rd period.

It was a disgusting display of goonmanship. I have a feeling that the Flames may have knocked the Red Wings out of their stupor with their idiotic attempts to injure. I bet they come out flying Sunday night.

I don't have time tonight to go into my full thoughts about today's Red Wings win. It's probably a good thing, as I might say some very nasty things about Iginla, McLennan, Langkow and the rest of the Charlestown Chiefs Calgary Flames.

When it comes right down to it, we Detroit fans are spoiled

We bloggers do more than our fair share of bitching. But you have to admit, it's pretty damn good being a fan of Detroit sports. when compared to most major league cities, we fans are spoiled rotten. Today is one example why.

To start the day, at 1pm we have the evil Chicago White Sox playing the Tigers in game 2 of an important early season series. It's never to early to make a statement against one of your main rivals for a playoff spot.

Then the playoff games start...

At 3pm we get to be twisted and tortured by game 5 of Red Wings - Flames. Expect to have your stomach in your mouth for most of the afternoon. I'm positive this game will be a rollercoaster of emotions.

You can recover from the stress of the hockey game at 7pm, which is the start time of the Pistons 1st round series against the admittedly overmatched Orlando Magic. Even though the Magic are an under .500 8 seed, it is a playoff game, mismatch or not.

Not many cities will have days like today. The contending teams are home. All 3 teams can be considered legitimate title threats. Emotions will run high. Mass quantities of food and alcohol will be consumed. Life is good for the Detroit sports fan.

And to prove there is always a yin to the tang, a minus to the plus, to keep the universe in balance, there are the Detroit Lions. Get feeling too good about today, just think about the Lions for a few minutes. Even though they are not in season, just thinking about how they will blow their draft next weekend will bring you right back down to earth. The Lions keep we fans humble...And pissed off, but that's another post...

"Power play? What power play?" Thoughts on Red Wings - Flames game 4

1. It's gotten to the point that watching a Red Wings playoff road game is sheer torture. Over the past 4 seasons, I've learned to expect the Red Wings to struggle in mightily in these games. It's not much fun to watch hockey while hoping for the best, but expecting, and then getting, the worst.

2. The "Power play." It's a simple term, and it should be simple to execute. There was once a time when the Wings made the power play look effortless. It was once an outright pleasure watching the Red Wings find the open man. It was pure hockey artistry. But now? For lack of a better term, their power play is ugly. Now it's painful to watch a talented team struggle to even get off a shot with the man advantage. It sure as Hell isn't an advantage.

If the Red Wings can't improve on the power play, they won't win the Cup. They may not get out of this series.

3. Did Hasek even touch Iginla with his stick? I'm still trying to figure out that call which gave the Flames their first 5 on 3. Hell, there were strange calls all night long, against both teams. Good call or bad call, doesn't matter. Thanks to the continuing struggles of the Red Wings special teams, whenever the officials get involved, it's going to be to the advantage of the Flames.

4. That was the Bertuzzi we were expecting to see. A force on offense, and physically intimidating. He's only going to get better as the playoffs go on. I only hope the playoffs last longer than the next 3 games.

5. Robert Lang was a little better, but he's still not playing near expectations. It's obvious that Mike Babcock is not going to sit him. I hope to Hell he finds even a semblance of his game soon.

6. Dominik Hasek is being outplayed by Miikka Kiprusoff. There's no question about it.

7. If I'm going to listen to homers, I'm going to listen to Mickey Redmond and Ken Daniels. I still find it hard to believe that the announcers of a national broadcast, such as HNIC's, would be outright homers. Yes, I know it's a Canadian broadcast, but it just seems unprofessional. The Red Wings announcers are paid by the Wings, so you expect a certain level of bias. But you'd think the HNIC crew was paid by the Flames.

8. I'm convinced this series is going 7 games. There's nothing in the Red Wings recent playoff history that would allow me to think otherwise. They don't deserve the benefit of the doubt. Hell, if I go by their recent history, they'll lose the series in 6 games.

9. The majority of what I said in my post about game 3 works for game 4. The Red Wings outshot Calgary, outplayed them for long stretches, Kiprusoff made some huge saves, the refs made some very questionable calls, and the Wings played well enough to win, but still lost. So feel free to use any of the following clichés when talking about the Red Wings. "It's the same old same old," "It's déjà vu," "The more things change the more they stay the same," "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss." They all fit...

What do we know after 15 games?

I know it's much too early to make any sort of judgments about the Detroit Tigers. It's not going to stop me from doing so...

Jeremy Bonderman has taken over as the "Hard luck" pitcher on the Tigers. He should have at least 3 wins. Then again, thought Wil Ledezma would be 3-0?

Nate Robertson is pitching as if this could be his breakout season.

I don't think even Fernando Rodney can figure out Fernando Rodney, let alone Chuck Hernandez or Jim Leyland.

Gary Sheffield hasn't lost any bat speed. But he's lost the ability to hit, at least temporarily. For the time being, his previous track record allows fans to give him the benefit of the doubt that eventually he will hit.

Sure, Sean Casey is playing nice defense at 1st. But how long to you give Casey to start hitting before you start looking elsewhere for a 1st baseman? I know the Tigers will be more patient than the fans. Casey's previous track record has caused the "Bring up Chris Shelton" grumblings to begin in earnest.

For all the talk from the Tigers that Chad Durbin has big league stuff, when are we actually going to see it? The Gambler has been missed.

Pudge Rodriguez looks far from washed up. Joe Table, on the other hand...

Justin Veralnder and Joel Zumaya seem to not be aware of the term "Sophomore slump."

The best description I've seen of a Todd Jones save: "Well, that was a typical Todd Jones 1-2-4 inning," So he blew a save yesterday, it happens. As long as he throws strikes, which he didn't in giving up 2 runs to the Royals, Jones will be fine.

Brandon Inge at the plate is a popup waiting to happen.

I don't care what anyone says, Craig Monroe is clutch!

Magglio Ordonez is pretty good. Unfortunately, he's being paid to be great. It's looking more and more as if we'll never again see the elite level Ordonez that played for the White Sox.

Curtis Granderson carries himself in such a way that leads you to think that he could become the face of the Tigers. He's one position player that I hope is a Tiger for a very long time.

Rod Allen's one shining moment

As I was reading Bill Simmons' column today, to my delight, a reader sent him the You Tube link to one of the more infamous incidents in pro baseball history...

Rod Allen nearly starting World War III.

I can't remember the last time Fox Sports Detroit ran the clip during a Tigers game, so it's been ages since I've seen it. We are talking a slice of baseball history here, along with it being a mainstay of the "Rod Allen Drinking Game."

So, without further ado, here's Rod Allen's one shining moment, his chasing a Japanese pitcher around an entire stadium.

One warning: The clip has strange music and Japanese narration. It looks to have taken from some sort of sports bloopers clip show.

Enjoy...

Wake me up when the playoffs start

There are levels of boring. Todd Jones closing a game is far from boring. Sports talk radio is boring. Driving through Ohio is really damn boring. Watching paint dry is the gold standard for boring. Not anymore...

Next exit is the NBA regular season

There's nothing more boring than an a NBA game between a playoff team that is locked into their seed, playing out the string, and a team that is blatantly tanking their season, playing out the string.

Exhibit 1 is tonight's Pistons - Celtics non-game.

The Pistons are doing their damnedest to stay healthy for the playoffs. The Celtics are doing...Not much of anything, other than trying to lockup Greg Oden or Kevin Durant.

I feel sorry for the poor souls who actually paid money to watch this farce of a NBA game. Why should anyone want to witness this meaningless exercise? After tuning in for only a few minutes, with George Blaha doing his best to sound like this game actually means anything, watching lowest common denominator claptrap like "According to Jim" actually looked appealing.

Jim Belushi is more compelling than a late season NBA game? David Stern's league has major issues.

Referee's with their own agendas, and as we found out this week, vendettas. Top players sleepwalking through long parts of the schedule. Teams tanking their season hasn't been this overt since the pre-draft lottery days. Too many teams playing too many meaningless games with too few talented players adds up to one of the least entertaining regular seasons in memory.

Even the Pistons admitted that going all out to win in the regular season over taxed them as a team in 2006, and hurt their playoff chances. They'll win 11-12 games less this year, and yet they feel much better going into their coming playoff run. That tells you all you need to know about the NBA's joke of a regular season.

The 2 most entertaining things about the 2006-07 NBA season were Gilbert Arenas and his eccentricity, and Charles Barkley's footrace with a 67 year old referee. Unfortunately, Agent Zero is out till next season, and Barkley hasn't challenged anyone else...

The NBA playoffs can't start soon enough.

Could the Lions make a bad draft day trade? With Millen in charge, it's guaranteed

After hearing all kinds of rumored trade offers the Lions have been sorting through, the latest rumored offer sounds like one Matt Millen would accept.

Why?

Because the trade makes no sense, and it's not nearly enough for the pick.

The latest rumored trade is Tampa will receive Detroit's number 2 pick, and in return, the Lions get the Buc's 1st round pick, the 4th overall, and Simeon Rice. No, nothing else. Not another draft pick, or picks, for that matter. Not another player. Just Simeon Rice.

Simeon Rice and the Detroit Lions, a match made in a Millen created Hell

If the incompetent boob didn't hang up on Tampa immediately after hearing that offer...Well, I wouldn't be surprised. The trade sounds just lousy enough that Millen would sign off on it. In fact, I'm sure the moment Sgt. Marinelli heard his former player mentioned, he'd want to jump all over that deal. He supposedly LOVES Rice.

We aren't talking about trading for a double digit sack artist and QB terror, the Simeon Rice of 5 years ago. That Rice would be worth talking about. The current Rice is 33, coming off a season with only 20 tackles, and 4 sacks, and is owed 7.25 million for 2007. Sounds more like a salary cap anchor than a quality defensive end.

How many defensive linemen do the Lions need? They gave big free agent money to former Buc's defensive end Dwayne White. They are on the hook for the franchised tagged Cory Redding. Shaun Rogers is not exactly inexpensive. Kalimba Edwards sucks, and even worse, he's making good money on a multi-year deal. To top it all off, supposedly defensive end Gaines Adams is the Lions 1st round draft target. He'd get a long ass contract as well.

Simeon Rice to the Lions has been rumored for quite some time, and it's rearing it's ugly head again. Why even talk about Simeon Rice? Unloading Rice makes sense to the Bucs, but it makes absolutely no sense to the Lions. Which is what worries me...

At least one of the beat writers in town agrees that Rice to the Lions is not a good idea. Killer Kowalski...

Let me put it another way: the Lions are expected to get at least a second-round pick out of the deal so you're basically saying the Lions would trade a second-round pick -- the 35th choice overall -- for an aging Rice who is on the last year of a very expensive contract. I don't see it happening.

I'm glad the Killer agrees. But the more we hear of Lions trade rumors, the more convinced I become that the buffoon in the front office will screw the pooch. The better the offer, the bigger the incompetent boob will fuck it up. Millen will out think himself, difficult as that may be, and believe he can get an even better offer. One that will never come.

Millen could pull the same stunt the Nationals' Jim Bowden did with Alfonso Soriano. He wanted both the moon and the stars for Soriano. Bowden ended up with neither the moon, the stars, or Soriano. Just bupkis.


I honestly expect on draft day, April 20th, we will hear that the Lions traded the 2nd overall pick for the equivalent of a bag of magic beans. Everyone and everything Millen touches turns to shit. Why think this draft will be any different?

Robert Lang is missing, and other thoughts on Red Wings - Flames game 3

1. Last night's game was a typical Red Wings road playoff loss. Let's go through the Wings fan checklist, shall we?

• Did the opposition's goalie stand on his head? Check.
• Did role players score all the goals for the Wings? Check.
• Did the refs look intimidated by a raucous home crowd, making some questionable calls? Check.
• Were the HNIC announcers totally biased towards the Canadian team? Check.
  
• Did the Red Wings play just well enough that they could of won, yet didn't, totally frustrating Red Wings fans in the process? Check.
• No one in Detroit got any sleep? Check.

Yep, it was a typical Red Wings road playoff loss.

2. Going with the theme, Dominik Hasek played just well enough to lose. He has to make the stop Jarome Iginla's game winning goal. Miikka Kiprusoff has been making those sort of saves all series.

3. Where's Robert Lang? There's someone on the ice wearing his sweater, but it can't be Lang. The guy on the ice sucks. We can start with the Lang's picture on a milk carton jokes. I'm joining the chorus who's saying he needs to sit in game 4.

4. As soon as Dan Cleary made the awesomely big hit on Dion Phaneuf, and set up Kris Draper's goal, you know what was my first thought? It wasn't sheer glee over watching Phaneuf stumble around as if punch drunk after Cleary rung his bell. I didn't celebrate a change in momentum. My first that was. "How soon before we see a Calgary power play?" And what do you know...

5. Chris Chelios shattering the glass at the end of the 2nd period was a damn cool sight.

6. What else is missing, other than Robert Lang? Where in the living Hell is the Red Wing power play? The Wings look better when they are 5 on 5 than when they have a man advantage, for chrissakes! I'm deathly afraid that the Wings impotent power play is going to cost them a playoff series.

7. Still, it was only one game. It was a sure thing that if Calgary was going to win a game, it was going to be game 3. The Flames were embarrassed in Detroit, so you knew they were going to come out guns ablaze. I'm not saying that Game 4 is a must win, but this Wings fan would feel much better about their chances if they could come out of Calgary with a split. The Wings lose tomorrow night, and you know that the Chicken Littles will be out in force Friday, fearing the worst.

8. I know he's not nearly the player he once was, but I miss Darren McCarty. To be honest, it's sad to see him sit out this series as a healthy scratch for Calgary.

9. I hate hate hate these western playoff road games. I absolutely dread them. Bad things happen, man...Bad things...

10. Still no sign of Robert Lang.

TWFE talks draft strategy with Matt Millen

Detroit Lions NFL draft rumors are flying around the internet. We are hearing that the Lions will trade down with Atlanta, with Tampa, with Cleveland. You name a team, and the Lions are supposedly in trade talks with them.

If they stay put at 2, all the top names have been talked about in one mock draft or another. Calvin Johnson, JaMarcus Russell, Brady Quinn, Adrian Peterson, and Gaines Adams have all been mentioned as the Lions pick.

Trade down, or stay put? No one can say for sure what the Lions front office is currently thinking.

TWFE wanted to quell the draft rumors, once and for all. So in search of answers, I went right to the horse's ass mouth. I spoke with the Lions GM and President, Matt Millen.

What follows is a transcript of our "Conversation."

TWFE: I appreciate your speaking to me. Uh...You haven't read my blog, have you?

Matt Millen: What's a blog? I do have a question for you, though. I hear that you think we will take JaMarcus Russell. Is that true?

TWFE: I participated in a bloggers mock draft over the weekend. I did pick Russell, if that's what you're talking about.

MM: Who told you we would take Russell!?

TWFE: Uh, it was just a mock draft. Sure, I do think that the Lions need a QB. So I took the best available. No one has told me anything. As Sgt. Schultz used to say, I know noth-think!

MM: I loved Hogan's Heroes! That Schultz! Remember the one where Hogan pretends to be a Natz...HEY! You trying to distract me?! Cut that out! WHO TOLD YOU?! If there is a leak in my front office, I need to know!

TWFE: What are you talking about? I was going to ask you who the Lions would draft. If you think I have contacts in the NFL, you are sadly mistaken. I'm just a blogger.

MM: What the Hell is a blogger?

TWFE: Uh...I write for my own...

MM: You're a writer?! So you do have connections! Now I know you know what I know, you know? Tell me what you know! KNOW! Uh..I mean, NOW!

TWFE: Huh?

MM: Don't play dumb. Only a few people knowed we were taking JaMarcus Russell. Just my inner circle. Me, Howie Long, Mr. Ford, Ford Jr, Tom Lewand, Sgt. Marinelli, Mike Martz, Dan Miller, the naked drunk driving Wendy's eating coach, my wife, Mel Kiper, Mel's hair stylist, Joe Paterno, my bowling team, Joey Harrington, the guy who trims my 'stache, and Al Davis. I don't think Mr. Davis even remembers when he last went to the bathroom, so he'll claim otherwise, but I did tell him. Now it seems that you know too.

TWFE: I don't know jack.

MM: Jack? I'm not asking you about Jack! How did you find out?

TWFE: This is bullshit.

MM: I'm not talking about cows, either! Talk!

TWFE: About what?

MM: You tryin' to confuse me?

TWFE: Confuse you? Perish the thought.

MM: Wha...Paris? Did someone named Paris tell you?!

TWFE: Hilton?

MM: I'm not taking about hotels! Who's Paris?

TWFE: Not Paris! I said peri...Screw it. I give up. This is just getting silly. I think it's time to end this conversation. I'm getting dumber just talking to you.

MM: Was that an insult? I think was just insulted. Why I oughta...

TWFE: I gotta go. Here's a shiny penny, that should keep you occupied.

MM: OOOOOOOOOOOOOH... Hey! Where is everyon...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH...

Events far away can hit close to home

If you spend any time at all as a Detroit Tigers fan online, you'll find yourself at what is the best Detroit-centric sports message board around, Motownsports.com. I go there several times a day to read the thoughts of Detroit sports fans, especially the Tigers board. I enjoy spending time at Motownsports, as they don't put up with trolling, and have an extremely knowledgeable and passionate membership.

One of the smartest and most prolific members at Motownsports was Brian Bluhm, better known as "Estrepe1." Brian was a grad student at Virginia Tech. Last night, to the absolute horror of the Tigers fan community, it was confirmed that Brian was killed in the tragedy at Blacksburg.

It's a very sad day for the Detroit Tigers internet community. Brian's death has devastated the members at Motownsports. I really don't know what can be said, other than that my thoughts go out to Brian's, and all the other families, who lost loved ones in the awful events of yesterday.

Motownsports has started a memorial thread for Brian.

Could the Pistons lose Chauncey Billups in free agency? Not on our watch...

New friend of TWFE, with the similar, yet spookier name, "The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes," have a nice post up in regard to Chauncey Billups re-signing with the Pistons. They are concerned that there is a chance, despite the recent reassurances of Joe Dumars, that Billups will leave for greener NBA pastures at the end of this coming playoff run.

The ghosts say there is no other good option. The only option is keeping Chauncey Billups...

Purportedly, there are a number of teams interested in making a monumental offer for Billups in the off-season, most notably the Bucks, Grizzlies, and Magic with whispers from the Clippers and Nuggets looming as well. Other speculators suspect that Billups will get the marquee, monster contract from the Pistons only to be used as trade bait next season. Alternatively, the Pistons could take a gamble, let him go, and look for a quality point guard in the draft. None of these outcomes are good solutions. Chauncey is a Piston and we want it to stay that way.

The ghosts also asked other Detroit bloggers to chime in with their thoughts on the possibility of life without Chauncey Billups. I was more than happy to contribute my 2 cents. Head on over to "The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes" and find out what we had to say.

In the 2007 bloggers mock draft, the Detroit Lions take...

Awful Announcing has begun posting the results of the bloggers mock draft. As you know, TWFE was asked to make the Lions pick. On Friday night, this was the result...

With the second pick of the 2007 Sports Bloggers NFL Mock Draft, The Wayne Fontes Experience (as selected by long suffering Lions fan Big Al ) select...

JaMarcus Russell, quarterback from Louisiana Tech University. (Why I typed "Tech," I still don't know. As soon as I hit send, I realized the mistake. God damn typos! I caught a little bit of grief for that...)

I honestly thought that the Raiders would take Russell, so we are plenty happy in TWFE war room. The general consensus from commenters at TWFE was to take Calvin Johnson, Matt Millen's piss poor drafting history be damned. Matt Millen be damned, period.

Wisconsin tackle Joe Thomas was the only other player seriously considered. Brady Quinn? Detroiters think he's another Joey Blue Skies.

As the Lions have not had a Pro Bowl QB since 1972, and haven't had a QB that was actually great since 1957, the Lions have to take the possible franchise QB. At least Russell can sit for a year behind Jon Kitna, and learn from Mike Martz. But with the Lions luck, Russell will end up just another of their long line of first round QB busts, Chuck Long, Andre Ware, and Joey Harrington...

Dan Shanoff surprised me somewhat by taking Calvin Johnson with the number 1 pick. I thought he would go with a QB, but Dan decided to take the consensus best player available, regardless of position or need. With Russell still on the board, he was too intriguing a prospect to pass up at number 2. After my pick, I got a an email from Dan, bringing up the Lions' wide receiver fetish.

"Damn! Now I wish I took Russell -- if only to see the reaction when you take yet another WR! I'm intrigued your readers (presumably Lions fans) would be happy with CJ as the pick if he was there at No. 2. Although he IS a once-in-a-decade talent, previous Lions WR picks be damned."

I replied with my thoughts on taking Calvin Johnson, whom I would have been tempted to take if he were available.

"Honestly, I think if the Lions took Johnson, Millen would catch more grief from around the country than in Detroit. The Lions have so many holes, and lack so much depth, you can't blame them for taking the best overall player on the board, even if that player is a WR. The Lions went thru a revolving door at WR last season. It was so bad, Az-Akim actually played a significant amount of plays at one point...

There would be some grumbling if the pick was Johnson, or Russell for that matter, but there wouldn't be a revolt. Now if Millen took Brady Quinn with that pick, all Hell would break loose. "

So that was my part of the mock draft. I took the QB, Lions past history be damned.

The stupidity of fans never ceases to amaze me

What's the latest proof that fans, as a whole, can be considered outright idiots?

The "Trade Fernando Rodney" online petition.

Uh..Yeah. That's really smart. I think every other team in MLB would salivate at the thought of acquiring Rodney. This same fool probably wants Jeremy Bonderman taken out of the rotation because he had another shaky 1st inning. For that matter, let's trade or release everyone who has a slow start or a bad inning!

Then, against my better judgment, I read the reader comments section of the game recap in today's Freep. The majority of these people are not exactly rocket scientists. Here's just a few gems of "Wisdom" in that comment thread...

At the end of the year check the losses. The Great Rodney will be involved in them.

I don't think you'll see Rodney up with the club too much longer at this current pace. This is already 3 games this year (not counting most of last season) where he's either lost a game we coulda/shoulda won, or blown a substantial lead.

I think its reality that Rodney is just not a guy we need on the staff....he gets into too much trouble....we should have given Walker his money! the guy was the most consistent player on the Tigers last year....

Good Lord people, get a damn grip!

Quick thoughts...

Very little to no posting, as I actually have a life today...

Super quick thoughts...

Red Wings - Nice win, but I want to see them have another performance like Thursday's before truly believing. From seeing the empty seats in the stands, it appears most Wings fans agree.

Tigers: About time Inge got off the schnide, and a nice game by Maroth. Not that I would know, as the Charter cable franchise in my area doesn't have the room for Fox Sports Detroit Plus. They have enough bandwidth for 10 shopping networks, but not FSD+? Please...

2007 bloggers mock draft: Woo boy! It's not yet reached halfway through the round at this point, but I'm going to hold off on saying anything specific till Awful Announcing has the mock posted, but you could never guess how entertainingly snarky 32 bloggers can be.

Why Detroit sports talk radio blows: Reason #142

Whats the current hot button topic on WDFN? The Red Wings starting the playoffs? No. The Tigers' winning in extra innings? Nope. The NFL draft? Not even close. Don Imus getting the ziggy? Close, but not quite.

The topic being bantered about by The Fan's Mike Stone at 5:40 Thursday afternoon is, "Should Don Imus be kicked out of the broadcasting hall of fame?"

What? The? Fuck? If Bob Wojonowski was on, he's be kicking Stoney's ass.

I didn't think it was possible, but I think sports talk radio has hit a new low.

4 overtimes are bad for your health

If you don't think that the NHL needs to tweak, or possibly even blow up and re-invent, playoff overtime, you didn't watch last night's NHL playoffs. I know this might be heresy to hockey purists, but last night's (Or should I say this morning's) 4 OT Canucks - Stars snoozefest was, to put it bluntly, boring.

Yes, I watched. And watched, and watched...Till my eyes finally betrayed me at 3:25 am. I was rudely woken by Dave Strader's call of the winning goal for Vancouver at 3:30 am. That's not a typo, 3:30 am EDT. I didn't get much sleep, but at least I now know where Versus is on my cable system.

You would think that playoff OT would be thrilling. But once it gets past a certain point, usually not long into the 1st OT, both teams start playing it safe. Extremely safe. The hockey turns conservative to a fault. Sure, there was a post hit a time or 2 during the OT's, but true scoring chances were few and far between. There were a handful of power plays, but even those didn't add much excitement to the proceedings. Odd man rushes were impossible, as no one would take even the slightest chance, in fear of making the mistake that could cost them the game.

Both teams playing not to lose leads to long stretches of monotony, mixed in with short bursts of dullness.

Do I believe that the NHL should go to the regular season 4 on 4, 5 minute long OT, and then a shootout? No, as I honestly think shootouts are not the right way to decide a playoff game. I find it kind of silly that soccer allows their premier event, the World Cup, to end with a shootout, and the same goes for international and Olympic hockey.

But going 4 on 4, with normal length periods? That could work. There is no way you would have 4 additional periods of tedious hockey, played mostly between the blues lines, with both teams shorthanded. I'm sure there are other solutions, but I'm too damn tired to think of any...

I'm not saying that all OT hockey is awful. Unfortunately, excitement can be squeezed right out of a game by the massive pressure of OT. It's the one downside to what may be the most hotly contested playoffs in all of sport.

The 2007 Sports Blogger NFL Mock Draft

As Ian mentioned in the comments of my last post, I was invited by Awful Announcing to participate in the "2007 Sports Blogger NFL Mock Draft." As you might have guessed, I'll be making the Detroit Lions 1st round pick.

Awful Announcing doesn't know what he's in for...

So, as any good GM should (Who the Hell knows what Matt Millen does), I'm asking what others think. Whom does the long suffering Detroit Lions fanbase think I should draft? Please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments.

To be honest, I'm very tempted to make the sure, easy pick, in Wisconsin offensive tackle Joe Thomas. I can explore the option of trading down, but finding a willing partner, let alone the logistics of this undertaking, may may that hard. For example, Dan Shanoff, who is making the Raiders pick, is already talking of trading down to the Bucs' number 4 spot. If I try to trade down, I wouldn't want to move farther than 4 or 5. Best case scenario is swapping picks with Cleveland.

I'll be on the clock sometime later tonight, channeling my inner Mel Kiper.

The Lions 2007 season is over before it even begins

For better or worse, we live in an NFL nation, so today's announcement of the 2007 NFL schedule is BIG news.

Fans of every NFL franchise are thrilled by the thought of a new season. The schedule gives them reason for hope. Hope that the Super Bowl is within their team's grasp. This is true for every fanbase, save for one. Just one. Which fanbase am I talking about?


The fans of the Detroit Lions.

We Lions fans expect the worst, then hope that the worst comes through, so that Matt Millen finally gets his inept ass fired.

Last year I said the Lions season was over after week 2. Now that I've looked over the new schedule, I can say with confidence that the Lions 2007 season is, before it even begins, over.

Here's this Lions fan's look at the upcoming season debacle.

1. Sunday, September 9 at Oakland Raiders - Detroit never wins on the West coast. Jamarcus Russell runs wild for rushing 3 TD's. Josh McCown, traded by the Lions to the Raiders in the offseason, throws for 2 more. 0-1

2. Sunday, September 16 MINNESOTA VIKINGS - One of the few games that look winnable, and the Lions are actually favored to win by Vegas oddsmakers The Lions never win those kind of games. Vikes win easily. 0-2

3. Sunday, September 23 at Philadelphia Eagles - Lions can't handle a healthy Donovan McNabb, thanks to their lack of any kind of pass rush. 0-3

4. Sunday, September 30 CHICAGO BEARS - Can the Lions beat the defending NFC champs? Yeah, right... 0-4

5. Sunday, October 7 at Washington Redskins - The Lions haven't won in D.C. since Roosevelt was in office. Teddy Roosevelt, that is... Bet the farm on the 'Skins. 0-5

6. Sunday, October 14 *** BYE WEEK *** - Plans for this season's fan revolt beigns in earnest.

7. Sunday, October 21 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS - Chucky outcoaches Sgt. Marinelli, Lions fans scream for Marinelli's scalp. He gets a contract extension instead. 0-6

8. Sunday, October 28 at Chicago Bears - Lions rarely win on the road. Period. Even when Rex Grossman is under center for the opposition. 0-7

9. Sunday, November 4 DENVER BRONCOS - Jay Cutler has his coming out party, has a career game, and shreds the Lions D, while some running back you've never heard of runs for 150 yards. 0-8

10. Sunday, November 11 at Arizona Cardinals - Matt Leinart has his coming out party, has a career game, and shreds the Lions D, while Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin run unmolested through the Lions defensive backfield for 5 TD's. 0-9

11. Sunday, November 18 NEW YORK GIANTS - Giants will be in total disarray, as the team will be in open revolt against Tom Coughlin. During the week Coughlin tells NYC media that the Giants WILL make the playoffs. They begin their stretch run by pounding the Lions. 0-10

12. Thursday, November 22 GREEN BAY PACKERS - There's a common misconception around the country that the Lions play well on Thanksgiving. Have you seen how badly the Lions have played on Turkey Day during the Millen era? 0-11

13. Sunday, December 2 at Minnesota Vikings - Late season road game, and the Vikes will be playing their asses off as they are in contention for a wild card. The Lions will be going through the motions, locking up the number 1 pick of the 2008 draft. 0-12

14. Sunday, December 9 DALLAS COWBOYS - Tony Romo fumbles every extra point snap, makes no difference as the Lions go for 2 when down 4 in the 4th quarter. The fans experience deja vu as the "Bobby Ross Maneuver" fails miserably, and the Lions lose when they are unable to convert on 4th and goal at the end of the game. 0-13

15. Sunday, December 16 at San Diego Chargers - The Lions never win on the West coast, part II. LaDainian Tomlinson sets a new single game NFL rushing record. 0-14

16. Sunday, December 23 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS - Chiefs will be in contention for a playoff spot. The Millen era death watch is in full bloom, what's left of the Lions' fanbase show up wearing Chiefs colors. Larry Johnson breaks Tomlinson's single game rushing record. 0-15

17. Sunday, December 30 at Green Bay Packers - This is Brett Favre's last game with the the Pack, as he has already announced his retirement + The Lions haven't won at Lambeau since Bush the elder was in office = Lions have no chance in Hell of winning, and are the first team to go 0 for the season. 0-16

After the season, Matt Millen gets another contract extension.

And Lions fans die a little more inside...

Warm up your octopus throwing arm, it's time for the NHL playoffs

How on earth can the number 8 seed be considered the favorite over a the 1 seed in a playoff series? When you are talking about the NHL.

I'm not sure what to make of the Red Wings going into the playoffs. I think most fans feel the same way, considering the fact that more than a few playoff tickets are still available. Go to the Red Wings web site, and you are greeted by a huge splash page saying that first and second round tickets are "On Sale Now!"

Between the slower than expected ticket sales, and after all the recent early round flameouts, it appears that the fanbase is telling the Wings to "Prove it" before they fully commit to jumping on the bandwagon.

It may be the quietest this area has been in 15 years about a Red Wings playoff team. Let alone a number 1 seeded Red Wings team. I think I know what's up.

There's nothing in sports more painful to a fan than a tightly played Stanley Cup playoff loss. We're all holding our breath for the first bad loss. You all know the type I'm talking about.

The Wings out play the opposition for long stretches, out shoot them by 35 shots, yet somehow lose 2-1 in double OT, while we all stay up past 1 am watching the painful loss. You know it's going to happen. It happens every playoff season. As of late, it seems as if every Red Wings playoff loss follows that M.O.

I'm not going to break down the series with Calgary. It's being done 10x better by the Wings' bloggers. All I can add is that I'm feeling somewhat more confident about the Wings playoff chances this season than I have since the 2002 Red Wings. If they are healthy, and get good goaltending, expect some late nights over the next 2 months.

I'm not all that worried about the goaltending, as a healthy Dominik Hasek trumps most, if not all. As for health? I'm holding my breath (Again) and waiting to see who's on the ice for game 1. And who remains healthy after game 1.

We'll know much more as of Thursday night, when the most hotly contested playoffs in all of sports begin. I can't wait...

An open letter to Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner

To: Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner
From: The Wayne Fontes Experience
Re: Integrity of the game

Mr. Goodell,

Today you took a stand by suspending Pac-Man Jones for the entire 2007 season, and Chris Henry for 8 regular season games, for conduct detrimental to the league. Neither one will be "Makin' it rain" for quite some time.

Here's your exact words...

"We must protect the integrity of the NFL. The highest standards of conduct must be met by everyone in the NFL because it is a privilege to represent the NFL, not a right."

You talk of maintaining the integrity of the NFL, and meeting the highest standards. Well, that begs this question. If integrity and standards mean so much to the NFL, what about Matt Millen?

Talk about conduct detrimental to the league...

Highest standards and Matt Millen? Now that's a joke. Millen has reached new lows in regard to the performance standards of a NFL GM. A brain damaged chimp could reach, and more likely exceed, the standards Millen has set. The fine stewardship of Matt Millen has led the Lions franchise to be the lowest ranked overall in not just the NFL, but in all of sports.

As for the integrity of the game? Matt Millen can't even spell "Integrity." We are talking about a GM who slurred Johnny Morton by calling him a "Faggot." He questioned the manhood of Scotty Anderson with the infamous "Where are your testicles?" quote. Millen violated the NFL's own "Rooney rule," and who knows how many civil rights laws, by not interviewing anyone other than Steve Mariucci for the then open Lions' head coaching job. That was a huge black mark against the NFL in regard to your ongoing initiative to encourage minority hiring.

Sure, Millen has gotten a few slaps on the wrist, and was hit with a $250K fine for the "Rooney rule" violation. But the league still thought enough of the incompetent boob to allow him on the influential NFL competition committee. How can that help the "Integrity of the game?"

Pac-Man Jones and Chris Henry are out of control thugs who act without thinking. You deserve kudos for finally drawing a line in the sand. Since it is a privilege, and not a right, to participate in the NFL, lets draw another line for Matt Millen. He has acted without showing sign of any coherent thought.

A year long suspension of Matt Millen would show you no longer tolerate buffoons. A lifetime suspension would show even more.

For the LOVE OF GOD, we Lions fans are begging you Mr. Goodell. Please suspend Matt Millen! Immediately!

Regards,

Big Al
The Wayne Fontes Experience

These are the Zachs I know, I know, these are the Zachs I know

I think we witnessed something extraordinary in Augusta Easter Sunday. No, not Tiger Woods losing, despite the MSM making Woods the big story. There was a bigger story though...

Zach Johnson winning the Masters was the greatest ever athletic achievement by someone named "Zach." Possibly the greatest achievement, period.

Think about it. How many Zachs can you even think of? Let alone thinking of anyone named "Zach" in the athletic arena. This was all I could come up with off the top of my head...

Zach Braff: Plays John "J.D." Dorian on "Scrubs." No athlete, but gets the women.










Zachary Taylor: 12th U.S. President. Hardly a jock. A career military man best known for dying of acute gastroenteritis just 16 months into his presidential term.








Zach Galifianakis: Pushing it fame wise, but he turns up on the tube now and again. Gets extra points for the grubbiest beard ever regularly worn by a semi-celebrity.



Zachary "Zack" Morris: Not a true Zach, but close enough. Played sports at Bayside High, but not nearly the athlete that was the great A.C. Slater. Better known for dating Kelly Kapowski, and being Mr. Belding's nemesis.













After that, I had nada. A quick Google search turned up one other jock named "Zach."

Zach Day: A career record of 21 - 27, a 4.66 ERA, with 6 teams. Currently in the Royals minor league system.

That's all... It's not as if Johnson had much competition. An actor playing a clumsy doctor who faints when he poops, a long dead president, a grubby looking comedian, a scheming teenage Lothario, and a mediocre starting pitcher. Not exactly the best and brightest.


So here's to the greatest athletic Zach ever, Zach Johnson. May he win at least one more PGA Tour title, lest he be the latest in a line of flukes to win majors, such as Ben Curtis, Rich Beem, and Shaun Micheel.

Postscript 4/10/07: I do up a post on Zachs, and for the life of me I couldn't think of that many. It then figures a big site like "With Leather" would link to me. So many thanks to the commenters that reminded me of Zach Thomas, Zach Randolph, Zach Miner, and Zach (Best gig my "Dream Job" exposure got me was hosting "Extreme Dodgeball") Selwyn. As a Detroiter, missing Zach Miner, who pitches in the Tigers system (And may be up soon if Chad Durbin continues to get slapped around), and Zach "Makin' it rain while on bereavement leave" Randolph, who spent a year underachieving at Michigan State, were the biggest errors on my part.

Next time I'll check Wikipedia...

We know Colin Cowherd has a new nickname. Have we learned anything else?

4 days have passed since the Colin "Schrutebag" Cowherd blew up The Big Lead's servers. The blogosphere is slowly moving on, much as The Big Lead has already. After the war of words finally subsided, what have we learned from the brouhaha?

1. It became quickly obvious from the uproar that ensued that The Big Lead has made a ton of friends, with both big time and small time blogs. People know a good blog when they read it, and The Big Lead is a damn good blog. Cowherd sure as Hell picked the wrong blog to bully. It was quite the sight to see bloggers circle the wagons. We can be quite a force when there is a common cause.

2. We aren't sure who on earth actually listens to Colin Cowherd, as it seemed that not many, if any, bloggers actually listens to the self-important blowhard. I don't. I know that the local bloggers here in the D don't. From what I've read over the past 4 days, no one will actually admit to listening to Cowherd. Someone must, as the clown still has a show, and his sheep did in a blog. I just haven't figured out who...

3. It's never been more clear that ESPN is the devil incarnate to the blogosphere. The MSM, as a whole, isn't far behind. The feeling appears to be mutual, from the lack of mainstream coverage of the Cowherd incident, and the worldwide leader's lack of a sincere apology. Screw 'em, as bloggers, and their readers, will be just fine, acceptance from the MSM or not. All I can say is that the MSM as we know it today will be vastly different 10 years from now, and they will still look at the blogosphere with the same utter disdain.

4. In some ways, the blogosphere is closer to the mainstream than we care to think. For the most part, there are few rules in writing for a web only audience. It's a cornucopia of misspelling, bad grammar, saying whatever the Hell you want, and not giving a shit what anyone else thinks. It's currently the wild, wild west of the sports world. I'll admit that I've written some borderline libelous stuff myself. But I don't claim to be anything more than a fan with an opinion. I'm NOT a journalist, and I wouldn't care to be. I don't want to become beholden to anyone, even if a paycheck would be nice.

But the lines are blurring between the blogs and the MSM. Just look at the online weblogs newspapers are asking their writers to maintain. Some blow, some aren't maintained, and a few are actually quite good. Sounds just like the current state of the blogosphere, doesn't it? Things are changing in the other direction as well, with bloggers gaining press box access, get interviews with athletes, and gradually reaching a greater mainstream audience. I'm not sure when you cross the line from being underground to mainstream, but some blogs are coming damn close to doing so. The rules they follow will have to change as well. I think it's already happened to Deadspin. Leitch has toned things down a notch since they used names in association with the steroid rumors that ran rampant last year.

5. Cowherd is a dick.

Welcome to a brave new blogging world, it's going to be one Hell of an interesting ride.

Red Wings shell out the bucks, while the Tigers freeze

There's been a few other things going on since the Colin Cowherd crashing The Big Lead (Which is still down, unfortunately) story blew up the blogosphere. Seems about time to set aside my righteous indignation for a few and actually talk about sports...

The Red Wings' Pavel Datsyuk is signed to a 7 year, $46.9 million dollar contract extension: When first I heard the length of the deal, the first words out of my mouth were, "Are they NUTS?! Isn't it all about the playoffs?" It was a knee-jerk reaction, and an incorrect one. Of course it's all about the playoffs, especially in Detroit. But in today's NHL, you HAVE to build around young players. The Wings are hitching their skates to Datsyuk and Hank Zetterberg. To be honest, I don't have any issue with that idea. If Steve Yzerman says that keeping Datsyuk is absolutely necessary, I'm not going to argue. To drive home that this is a fair deal, head over to Gorilla Crouch. Dave compares Datsyuk's deal to other NHL players of his age. It'll surprise you how fair the contract looks in retrospect.

As for the playoffs? I'm holding off my thoughts till we see how healthy Zetterberg, Bertuzzi, Hasik, Lidstrom, et all are, and if the Wings will be playing Calgary or the Nordilanche. We'll know more after tonight.

Mike Rabelo: I-I-I-If I knew it was g-g-g-going to be this F'N c-c-c-cold in the b-b-b-bigs, I'd rather have s-s-s-stayed in Lakekand...

The Detroit Tigers start 2-2: It's much to early to get a read on the Tigers, let alone be concerned. They've been playing in brutal weather more suited for...Well, it's not suited for doing much of anything other than sitting inside and drinking beer. So it would be understandable that the Tigers look somewhat discombobulated. Christ, Magglio Ordonez wearing his, for lack of a better term, head sock, looked as if he was ready to rob a bank, rather than play right field Friday night. It's much too early to make any sort of judgments. Just remember the wise sage Sparky Anderson would always say that you couldn't tell anything about a team till they've played 40 games. That's good enough for me...

Not that common sense is keeping the message board yahoos from getting up in arms. I actually read a post on Motownsports last night that claimed that the Tigers had a "Must win" game today. What have sports talk radio and message boards wrought? An entire generation of Chicken Littles. Get a damn grip people, it's a long, long season.

Tom Mees is spinning in his grave

It's been over 24 hours since The Big Lead was maliciously taken off the web by Colin Cowherd. (Who's now being called "Schrutebag" by the Deadspin universe) The more I think about what's happened over the past 24 hours, the more outraged I become.

I'm outraged over Cowherd's vindictive actions, and for that matter, over what has become of ESPN over the years.

When I first discovered the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network, it was the early 80's. It was manna from heaven for sports fans. I could not even fathom to attempt to try and figure out how much time I spent watching the worldwide leader over the years. Especially the golden years before the Disney overlords and their suit wearing minions took control of Bristol.

Sportscenter was the centerpiece, and I rarely missed it. We all know SC reached it's creative peak in the mid 90's, during "The Big Show" years. There were few, if any. weak spots in the on-air personnel back then. Tom Mees was still alive, Charlie Steiner was the man on the 6 pm SC, Chris Berman had not yet dissolved into a chubby, balding, leather wearing pile of shtick, Keith Olbermann hadn't yet gotten swallowed up in the debacle that was the debut of ESPN2, and his monstrous ego was still in check, Dan Patrick had a rapier wit, and was the perfect foil for Olbermann's snark, and...Well, I don't need to go on...

We all remember the good old days. There was talent everywhere on air. The worldwide leader was not spread nearly so thin.

ESPN had reached their cultural zenith. They had nowhere to go but down. The acquisition by Disney just accelerated the trip into Hell. The skids were greased by the decision to milk the ESPN cow for all that it was worth.

Miking that cash cow lead to...

5 other ESPN channels: News, Deportes, 2, U, Classic. ESPN News is the only one that still has a shred of dignity. What "Dodgeball" parodied may end up being close to reality.

ESPN Entertainment: Producing low budget fare, such as movies, reality shows and scripted dramas, shows that were trying to create...The Hell if I know what they were trying to accomplish. All I know is that the majority of it was hilarious. Unintentionally hilarious.

The radio network: 24/7 of broadcast Hell, giving us the bland Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic, the awful shock jock wannabe Cowherd, a bored out of his mind Patrick, and numerous other voices not deemed TV worthy. There's already too much Mel Kiper in my life, I don't need him on my radio.

The magazine: A bi-weekly, which means it's instantly out of date when it hits the stands. It has a literally unreadable, migraine inducing layout. The web, especially blogs, is quickly making sports magazines irrelevant.

ESPN mobile: Their ill-fated cell phone venture, a branding attempt that showed the utter hubris of the ESPN suits. Lasted maybe 6 months, but continues to be joke fodder to this very day.

The dot com: In it's early days, much like the mothership, it was a prime time destination. Now stripped of it's best content, content that is hidden behind a pay wall. I love reading Buster Olney and Peter Gammons, but for $4.95 a month? You have to be kidding.

The dot com's Page 2: Once a must read, and now a shadow of it's formerly great self. Much like the dot com and TV motherships. Sense a trend? Say what you will about their opinions, but it was a great stable of writers. The late Ralph Wiley and Hunter S. Thompson, Bill Simmons before he was neutered, Jason Whitlock before he pissed off the worldwide leader's suits, much in thanks to an interview with...The Big Lead! Page 2 showed how good web only content could truly be, and was quite influential in the blog movement. I think we've come full circle...

But there is something even worse than what I've already listed that the worldwide leader can claim as their most evil creation.

SCREAMING EX-ATHLETES AND COLUMNISTS!!!!

What hath the success of PTI wrought? Tom Mees must be spinning in his grave seeing the assclowns now on the network he helped make a household name.

From Screamin' A. Smith to Michael Irvin. John Kruk to Rush Limbaugh. Jay Marriotti to Woody Paige. Mike Lupica to The Little Fella. Sean Salisbury to Chris Berman. It never, ever ends. One voice moves on, only to be replaced by a louder one. Rather than have a lucid opinion, they would rather just overwhelm you with decibels.

At this point, the worldwide leader in sports is nothing more than a total clusterfuck.

What Colin Cowherd did to the Big Lead was despicable. He deserves every bit of the bile being spewed his way by the blogosphere.

But the likes of Cowherd, and his sheep-like "Herd," are a symptom of a greater ill, not the cause. His ilk are the result of the ESPN corporate culture that only cares about their shareholders and the bottom line, ignoring journalistic integrity, and any dissenting opinions.

ESPN is now a giant monolith of a media conglomerate, gobbling up what it likes, and destroying what it doesn't. The folks at The Big Lead were sucked up in it's wake.

Despite the actions of the MSM in general, and especially ESPN, the bloggers will continue to rage at those media windmills. Why? Because someone has to...

Colin Cowherd: Proof positive that the worldwide leader is the root of all evil

The Big Lead is a great blog. It's a blog that quickly became a daily must read, and has broken stories that the complacent MSM were too clueless to move on. They've been kind enough to link to TWFE a few times, and they also share a distaste for all things Rob Parker, so you know they are kindred spirits.

Today, the MSM struck back at blogs, and with extreme malice. The Big Lead was taken off line in a DDoS attack today, which was orchestrated by a talentless hack, the worldwide leader radio's Colin Cowherd.

Cowherd asked all his listeners, mostly small town sheep, as Cowherd's show isn't carried in most major markets, to all visit The Big Lead, and crash their servers. As of 8 pm est, the site is still down.

Cowherd using 2 hands to count his big market listeners, or is he calculating his IQ?

To the credit of Detroit radio, this hack is not carried in this market. The only way he can be heard is if you live on the far west side, and can tune in the the asthmatic hamster powered signal of Wolverines media mouthpiece, WTKA in Ann Arbor. Which thankfully means the majority of Detroit doesn't even know this clown exists. All the better for us.

EDSBS, Deadspin, The Fanhouse, to name just a few of the blogging big boys, are understandably furious over Cowherd's malicious douchebaggery. In fact, this is becoming a rallying point with the entire blogosphere.

This isn't the first time Cowherd has locked horns with sports blogs. Last year, he blatantly stole material from Michigan's own M Zone. The web erupted, and swamped the worldwide leader with e-mail. After first denying everything, the worldwide leader forced him into giving a half assed apology. Seems this asswipe hasn't learned a thing.

One of the reasons I started TWFE was that the MSM had become lazy, boring, and outright incompetent. The MSM long ago had stopped giving the kind of analysis sports fans like myself were clamoring for on a daily basis. Unfortunately, the Peter Gammons of the MSM world are becoming harder and harder to find. They are an endangered species, as that world is being taken over by thieving hacks the like of Colin Cowherd.

The blogosphere has been fighting back against an increasingly hostile MSM. Blogs like Fire Joe Morgan and Awful Announcing has taken it to the next level, exposing MSM stupidity at every opportunity. They have not been lacking for material. Anyone that reads TWFE even just occasionally has seen the war I've declared on Detroit's own functionally retarded hack, Rob Parker. Today, the whip smart MGoBlog escalated their own ongoing MSM hostilities, with a scathing post dropping the hammer on consistently wrong rumor monger Terry Foster.

You know where I go first for my sports fix anymore? Just look at my sidebar. There's more smart, entertaining and informative writing there than the MSM could even dream of giving the educated sports fan.

Cowherd's actions today shows the complete lack of respect most of the MSM has for blogs. It's also a sign of fear. Other than being a malicious prick, why does someone working for one of the most powerful media conglomerates in the world feel the need to use his bully pulpit to take down a blog? The Big Lead, to be honest, though influential, has a fraction of Cowherd's audience. Was he insecure? Afraid? Just a dick? Probably all of the above.

I often kid to the GF that listening to sports talk radio is slowly lowering my IQ. With asinine stunts like Cowherd's, it's obvious that I'm not the one with intelligence issues.

Detroit Tigers snap judgements

Two games into the Tigers season is much too early to form any opinions. But we won't let that stop us here at TWFE. Just what have we liked, and disliked, so far this season?

Likes:

The weather on opening day.

Those AL championship rings sure are purty.

So was the pennant that was raised.

Jeremy Bonderman's 2nd thru 6th innings of his first start.

Placido Polanco looks like a legitimate threat for the batting title. I'm surprised when he doesn't get on base.

Todd Jones hasn't given up a run.

Nate Robertson pitched very well despite brutal weather. I think he's going to pick up the slack in the Gambler's absence.

In a stunning development, 12 walks in 2 games!? the Tigers showed remarkable patience at the plate, going deep into the counts on 2 very good pitchers, Hollander and Burnett.

A team OBP of .360.

Curtis Granderson is playing like an all star.

Joel Zumaya.

That it's too early to watch the scoreboard and standings.

When you do look at the standings, and see the ChiSox without a win.

Watching the Indians blow up in the 9th, giving the Sox a win.

Dislikes:

Injuries to key players.

The weather since opening day.

We've seen nowhere near the team defense we saw last season.

A team era of 6.03.

Binge and His Clutchiness are currently hitting like they actually belong in the 8 and 9 holes in the order.

Bonderman's 1st inning, another in his disturbing history of slow starts.

Todd Jones allows more baserunners than any closer, EVER. I honestly don't know how he gets away with it.

Magglio Ordonez should be DHing. Unfortunately, that won't happen for 3 MORE YEARS!

No Marcus Thames sightings.

There have been sightings of The Black Hole of Suck.

Sean Casey coming up to the plate in twice in bases loaded with less than 2 out situations, and leaving the bases loaded both times. That's no way to curry favor with the sabermetric wonks.

We haven't seen the good Fernando Rodney yet, just the Rodney who allows baserunners at a Jonesian rate.

Jason Grilli.

Can't help but look at the standings, and notice that the Indians and Twins are off to hot starts.

The ChiSox getting off the schneid.